Making a big decision is hard. It pulls up emotions and feelings and thoughts long dormant. When making decisions, I like to pull wisdom from a Dear Sugar column:
I have that excerpt pinned to the corkboard next to my computer – select phrases highlighted for optimal impact. Before making a decision, I pull wisdom and advice and perspective from anywhere I can find it – whether that be advice columns, friends, family, introspection, or pretty pictures on Pinterest. It’s hard to make a decision…
But nobody really talks about the dark, quiet space after the decision is made. That time of pause; you haven’t made the jump, you’ve just decided in which direction you’ll leap. You could turn back! You won’t, but you could. That tiny sliver of space under the door of your plan – that doubt – can overwhelm.
I’m in that space. I’m in the dark, the quiet, the incredibly lonely. I could not feel more isolated, more confused, more overwhelmed by that tiny sliver of doubt. I’m in a place between excitement and crippling sadness… but not really embodied by either. I’m no longer on the edge of the cliff, nor am I safe on the other side… I’m flying through the air, screaming at the top of my lungs at some times and at others laughing with euphoria…
…just hoping to make it to the other side.